I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize