I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
