Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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