this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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