just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
