Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
We need a shit load of segways right now
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
