woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
