what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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