How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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