whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
