the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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