it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
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Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
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If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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