If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Holy sore nipples Batman
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
