I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
