Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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