i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
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Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
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Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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