feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
