Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
