I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You brought string cheese to the strip club
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
