You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
