Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
