who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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