The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
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Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Woke up backwards on a recliner
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I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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