where am i from again
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize