You're my little dorito
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
