well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
