i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
