I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
