I cockslap morals
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
