The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
