i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
