I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
