Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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