every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
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No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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