Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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