Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize