ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
