We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
