Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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