MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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