honey bunches of taint.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
