just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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