Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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