Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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