i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
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