Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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