I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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