1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
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you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
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I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.