i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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