Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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