90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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