I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
As shirtless as possible
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
