i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
