and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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