Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
