Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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