We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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