I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
