I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I deserve this hangover.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize