Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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