i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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